“Ask yourself, ‘Is there another way to look at this? What is the best case, worst case, and likely scenario?’” Dr. Gallagher says. She also recommends looking at the situation as it is, and then focusing on what you can do about it, if anything. For example: “If you were laid off, but you haven’t been happy in your job for months, what could be good about this?” Dr. Gallagher says. “You don’t need to find the silver lining in everything, but sometimes looking at things through a different lens can make a big difference.”
Trying to find a balance in how you look at things is crucial, Jason Moser, PhD, professor of cognition and cognitive neuroscience at Michigan State University, tells SELF. “Having a view of life where you don’t suppress emotions and you try to problem-solve in a productive way is important,” he says. “It’s crucial not to have rose-tinted glasses where you’re like, ‘everything is fine,’ but also remember that most of the time, negative things get better.”
2. Come up with a go-mantra.
Research has found that doing positive affirmations can make people feel more upbeat in general, but saying things like “How can I be a friend to myself in this moment?” isn’t for everyone. “Positive affirmations are tough. They can feel cheesy,” Dr. Moser says. Coming up with a mantra like, “I got this,” can help, he says. That can mean taking a beat before a big 5K race or meeting your partner’s parents for the first time to mentally repeat this saying to yourself to be your own cheerleader.
Dr. Moser has also done research that found talking to yourself like a coach when you’re dealing with something tough can help. “You can pump yourself up by using your own name, like, ‘Hey Jay, you’ve got this,’” he says. “It can feel less cheesy when it’s in the third person.”
3. Don’t discount the value of dark humor.
In a perfect world, you’d be able to laugh any time. But it can be hard to crack up when things are tough. “Even under dark times or real hardship, it is very possible to see and take pleasure or humor in other aspects of life,” Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at the NY Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, tells SELF. You can try to find ways to laugh about what you’re struggling with, like saying to yourself, “Wow, and I thought things couldn’t get worse.”
Even black humor can be helpful, Dr. Saltz says. This still allows you to acknowledge the problem you’re dealing with while being able to laugh. “It means taking pleasure from even minimal problem-solving and focusing on methods of bringing a bit of joy into your day in any way you can,” Dr. Saltz says.
4. Do the opposite of what you’re tempted to do.
It’s easy to get into a funk when you’re facing feelings of sadness, fear, or frustration. That’s why it’s important to push yourself a little, Nora Brier, PsyD, assistant professor of clinical psychiatry at the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine, tells SELF.
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