Gratitude—something a lot of us practice on Thanksgiving—tends to be a particularly warm, fuzzy, and dare we say noble concept. You are taking the time to give copious thanks to the people, places, and things that help make your life worth living. And whether that’s expressed vocally at a Thanksgiving table once a year or silently in a journal a bit more often, the practice seems to have a trove of health benefits, too. Research suggests that expressing gratitude might help improve a person’s sleep and stress, all while reducing depression and anxiety.
Of course, gratitude is usually heavy on kudos for everyone and everything but the person giving thanks. For example, with a Thanksgiving feast, perhaps you give credit to all of the external forces that led to it, like having an income that allows you to buy groceries—not the hard work it took to get there. Alternatively, maybe you express thankfulness for the people at the table, and what they’ve done for you, as opposed to the trials you faced (and overcame) in solitude. “Usually when people talk about gratitude, they’re talking about gratitude for other people. But self-gratitude I think is very nice too,” Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Riverside, whose research primarily centers on gratitude and kindness, tells SELF. “And sometimes people feel a little uncomfortable doing it. It just seems a little awkward. But I think it’s really important and healthy.”
Listen—this article isn’t meant to detract from the power of appreciation toward others. But it’s equally paramount to give yourself a pat on the back, too. Here’s exactly how to practice self-gratitude on Thanksgiving.
Recognize what your inner critic is saying—and take steps to silence it.
You know that obnoxious, grating voice in your brain that keeps you from applying to your dream job or berates you for minuscule mistakes? That’s your inner critic piping up—and it can be super harmful: Studies have suggested that self-criticism is associated with higher rates of depression and self-harm. Importantly, though, it’s also something a self-gratitude practice can help counteract, Dr. Lyubomirsky says.
Of course, you might need to take steps to silence that mean little mouthpiece before you can find things you’re thankful for. To start, as SELF has previously reported, it’s important to recognize what the complaint is—negative inner thoughts could be so common for you that you don’t consciously hear them anymore. You might try writing them down in a journal, then reflecting on those ideas: Would you say them to a close friend or even your childhood self? That can be a powerful way of viewing the criticism from an objective viewpoint, Jody Thomas, PhD, a clinical psychologist and founder of the nonprofit The Meg Foundation, tells SELF. “Our heads can be dangerous places to hang out,” she says.
Take note of your intrinsic achievements, rather than external ones.
When taking stock of things about yourself to be grateful for, Dr. Lyubomirsky says it might be tempting to fixate on stuff that feels like real, tangible accolades—say, the down payment you just put on your first home or stellar job you just snagged. Those are praise-worthy things, sure, but they’re not *really* the stuff you should be grateful for (and can easily go down the drain in a split-second for just about anyone going through tough times and hitting roadblocks that are out of their control). Instead, it’s the core qualities that got you to those places—grit, determination, courage, kindness—you should be celebrating.
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