“With the rise of technology, social media, and constant connectivity, many people find themselves always ‘on,’ leaving little room for spontaneous, undistracted time with those closest to them,” Dr. Hafeez says. “Plus, the pressure to be productive—whether in work, school, or your personal life—has led to a culture where every minute must be accounted for, and downtime is often viewed as wasteful.”
Because daily life feels so busy and fast-paced, many people struggle to carve out space for friends and family at all, let alone extended, unstructured hangs. “Then, when we are together, it’s easy to get distracted by our phones or feel like we need to fill every minute,” Kasley Killam, MPH, social scientist and author of The Art and Science of Connection, tells SELF. And staying on this hyper-productive, isolated grind can not only lead to stress and burnout but also make you really lonely.
“Less unstructured time is certainly playing a role in the loneliness epidemic,” Dr. Hafeez says. “Intimate bonds form when neighbors drop by each other’s homes, when children play together outside, or co-workers connect over the ‘water cooler.’” “In contemporary life, there’s little room for these types of ‘old-fashioned’ interactions—but without them, relationships can become transactional, and we can become isolated.” Close personal relationships are essential to our well-being, and while community used to be central, it’s now become an afterthought, she adds.
The healing power of just…hanging out
Unstructured time is good for us, in general, according to the experts I spoke with. For one, it can help reduce stress, since you tend to be more relaxed when you’re not on a schedule, Alexandra Stratyner, PhD, a New York City-based psychologist, tells SELF. When you’re not trying to accomplish anything, you have space to just be. “The freedom to allow your mind to roam may also help increase creativity and problem-solving,” Dr. Stratyner says.
And when you combine this lower-stress, more open-minded environment with social interaction, good stuff happens. “Relaxed, spontaneous moments with loved ones can bring a freeing and comforting quality that organized activities simply cannot,” Dr. Stratnyer says. You can focus on enjoying the moment and each other, rather than staying on schedule or performing a specific task. With no agenda, there’s also more room for laughter, surprise, and candid conversations that deepen relationships, she says. By contrast, fixed plans can feel like an obligation, which can trigger tension and stress.
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