This article is part of Dry January, Straight Up, your no-BS guide to cutting out alcohol for 31 days—or longer. SELF will be publishing new articles for this series throughout January. Read more here.
Work happy hours, boozy brunches, festive bar crawls—the drinking scene has never been my thing. But my polite “nah, I’m good” or clearly water-filled glass almost always sparks a chain of assumptions (and perhaps some judgment, too): Is something terribly wrong? Do I have a secret health problem? Am I…pregnant? The anti-climactic truth is…I simply don’t like alcohol.
Even the fanciest espresso martini tastes terrible to me. Not to mention, one tequila shot makes my entire face flush bright red and feel like it’s on fire (thanks, Asian glow)—not exactly anyone’s idea of a good time. I know these are all perfectly good reasons to turn down a cocktail, but still, I’ve found it really hard to just…say that. Instead, I’ve fallen back on awkward half-truths or accepting the damn glass of wine (and begrudgingly sipping).
Regardless of why, owning your decision to go booze-free (whether for one night, a few months, or forever) is definitely a process, Annalyse Lucero, LMFT, a licensed therapist based in Albuquerque, tells SELF. While trends like the sober-curious movement and Dry January have helped normalize sobriety as a socially acceptable choice in a liquor-loving culture, “the discomfort around ordering a mocktail or saying no isn’t always about the alcohol itself,” Lucero says. “Oftentimes, it’s more about the challenge of setting boundaries without feeling guilt and fear about disappointing others.” (Maybe you’re worried about seeming uptight or “less fun” around your tipsy colleagues, for instance. Or you dread standing out with your empty hand.)
Whatever the reason, I get it if you’re not quite ready to confidently reply, “No thanks! Stop asking!” To make those boozy situations less nerve-wracking, we’ve put together a mix of direct responses and more witty excuses for when you just want to shut down follow-ups and enjoy your sparkling water in peace.
1. “Actually, I’m good with this mocktail.”
It’s easy to feel out of place (then succumb to peer pressure) when everyone around you is double-fisting champagne glasses. “Naturally, some people might call you out simply because they notice you don’t have a drink in your hand,” Lucero says. An easy fix? Hold something—it doesn’t have to be alcohol. (Think Coke, sparkling water with lime, or a tasty mocktail that looks like a real one.)
Let’s say someone does catch on to the fact that your cup is alcohol-free. Come on, let’s take shots! Then, casually assert that you’re perfectly happy with what you’ve got, Lucero says. It’s a simple, non-confrontational way to stand your ground and avoid unnecessary back-and-forth.
2. “I’m really trying to save money right now.”
In today’s economy, we can all probably agree that cocktails, vodka shots, even draft beers, can feel like a major splurge. So, leaning into this financial reality isn’t just super relatable. It’s also a legitimately solid reason most people won’t push back on, Sasha Hamdami, MD, a board-certified psychiatrist based in Kansas City, Missouri, tells SELF. (And if someone is pressuring you to cough up $20 for one drink? Well, that’s probably not someone worth trying to please anyway.)
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