“This intentionality shows your friend that what’s important to them is also important to you and that you haven’t forgotten about them even when you’re busy with your own life,” Adams explains. Plus, it can spark that warm, Aw, they remembered! epiphany that makes your pal feel valued in ways a simple “How’ve you been?” can’t.
4. Adapt your old routines to match the new distance.
When you’re close by, familiar rituals can make your friendship feel naturally secure—whether you used to get ready together for fun-filled Saturday nights, or made it a weekly habit to grab drive-thru fast food and cruise around the neighborhood. Losing those in-person moments can leave you with a sense that something’s missing. With a bit of creativity, however, you can still capture those shared experiences from afar.
If your bond was rooted in monthly book club sessions, for instance, keep that alive by agreeing to start that steamy romance novel together. Then, after a few chapters, call each other to swap thoughts, reviews, and spoilers. Or if you used to tackle errands together as college roomies, FaceTime while you’re at the laundromat or folding your clean clothes.
5. Or invent new ways to keep your relationship exciting.
Just as important as reviving familiar routines is introducing some novelty, too. “By finding additional ways to grow together, your friendship will continue to thrive—and feel less like a stale, outdated version of something you once had,” Dr. Kirmayer says.
Think about what experiences or hobbies resonate with you both: Maybe you can create a shared Pinterest board to collect dessert recipes, then replicate one each month. If you’re both obsessed with Emily in Paris, make it a joint learning opportunity to learn French with Duolingo. You can also enlist the help of interactive apps (like Board Game Arena) to shake things up. This way, you’re not holding onto the past—you’re actively growing your connection with new experiences, too.
6. Don’t let them forget how much they mean to you.
It’s easy to assume that your bestie knows you value them. (You are reading this article, after all!) But taking the time to explicitly express your appreciation, even in subtle ways, can reassure them of how strong your connection is.
“There’s a widely held belief that it’s awkward to share how much we care about our friends,” Dr. Kirmayer says. A well-intentioned “You mean so much to me” can sometimes feel like a prelude to bad news, as if there’s an unspoken catch. “We often champion the importance of telling our romantic partners that we love them, and our friendships can benefit from that same type of open recognition, too.”
This doesn’t mean you have to write cliché, sappy love letters or shower them with over-the-top praise. Small gestures—telling them you miss them after hearing a song that reminds you of them or casually showing gratitude when they check in (“I don’t say this enough, but I’m so happy to have you in my life”)—can be a much-needed reminder that they’re not just an afterthought: They’re a true priority.
“There’s real power in a friendship that has overcome physical distance and still come out stronger on the other side,” Dr. Kirmayer points out—and it’s something worth celebrating. As tedious as it can be to stay in sync across different zip codes or time zones, that very commitment is what makes these relationships some of the strongest. You’re both choosing to keep the connection alive, even when it’d be easier to let it fade.
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