That said, sometimes in these high-stress situations, you may just want to leave and…not deal. It can be tricky to excuse yourself without drawing attention, though, which is why Dr. Olivo recommends lending a hand. “Go to the kitchen and offer to help with whatever meal prep is going on. Or, be the person who ensures that drinks keep getting filled,” she suggests. “You’ll still be present enough to avoid suspicion while also getting a break from engaging with whoever is putting you on edge.”
5. Swing by the kids’ table.
No matter how old you are, sitting through heavy or boring “adult” conversations (about the economy, politics, or your job) can be draining. If you’re feeling overwhelmed or need a little breather, heading over to the kids’ table might provide a much-needed mental reset.
For one, it gives you a legit excuse to slip away without having to explain yourself. Saying something like, “I’m just gonna check on the kids for a bit” makes you look like a caring, responsible person. Even better, this move can pull you out of whatever grown-up drama you’re trying to escape, Dr. Olivo says. “You can also offer to take the children outside to play catch or supervise them in the TV room,” she adds. After all, what better way to counteract adult stress than by soaking up the kiddos’ carefree, silly, and nonjudgmental energy?
6. Consider a “no-talking-needed” activity, like going to the movies.
Needing space doesn’t mean you have to hide out in your childhood bedroom alone. One easy way to recharge—without shutting out your loved ones—is to choose a low-key, low-stimulation activity, like going to the movie theater. “You sit there in silence, next to each other,” Laurie Helgoe, PhD, associate psychology professor at Augsburg University and author of Introvert Power: Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength, previously told SELF. “It’s just this shared, lovely quiet.” You can also suggest watching one at home. It may not be as peaceful of an experience, but it should at least provide a refreshing break from intense conversations, lively parties, and exhausting holiday traditions.
While any of these excuses can be a great short-term solution for occasional I’ve had it moments, Turner says it’s ultimately in your best interest to be direct about needing a breather. “Wanting to set boundaries or have space isn’t a mean or ‘bad’ thing,” she explains. “And it’s important to feel comfortable addressing your needs with your loved ones.” Otherwise, consistently pretending everything’s fine (when really, you’re at your breaking point) will just cause feelings like frustration, resentment, and agitation to fester until you finally snap.
According to both therapists, the best way to express, “Hey, please leave me alone for the next hour” (but nicer, obviously), is to communicate without blaming anyone: Not your “overbearing” parents; not your “irritating” siblings. For example, you could say, “I’m so wiped out. I’m going to take an hour to rest and I’ll be back in a bit.” Remember, needing alone time (even when you’re with your absolute favorite people) is natural, so you shouldn’t feel like you have to keep walking on eggshells in order to take care of yourself.
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