But you don’t need to have social anxiety disorder to experience social anxiety. If you feel your heart racing in a social situation, or just feel uncomfortable at a party, therapists say there are a few things you can do to push through it.
1. Stay, even if you really want to leave.
When you can convince yourself to stay in a social situation—even if you’re not 100% comfortable—it tells your brain that the social moment isn’t actually a threat and that you don’t need to label future social situations as threats, Ammon says. “It also shows [you] that you can tolerate discomfort,” she adds. It’s crucial to remind yourself that it’s normal to feel anxious in social situations sometimes, Thea Gallagher, PsyD, clinical associate professor of psychology at NYU Langone Health, tells SELF. “Sometimes it’s important to just try to push through and realize it’s not going to last forever,” she says.
2. Start talking to someone.
This is the opposite of what your brain is telling you to do, but engaging with the people around you can help you get out of your own head, Brinen explains. “A lot of times when we get socially anxious, we get into our brain about being socially rejected,” he says. “Finding somebody and engaging with them can help you get out of your head.”
3. If you have to, take a time-out.
Sometimes you need a reset, and Ammon says that’s just fine. That can look like stepping outside or going to the bathroom to pull yourself together, Gallagher says. “When taking a reset break, try breathing,” Ammon suggests. (Slowing down your breath can help take you out of fight-or-flight mode, she explains.) She recommends breathing in for four seconds through your nose and then out of your mouth for six seconds. “Utilize temperature—cold air or cold water,” Ammon says. “Eat a mint. While stepping away, check in with your thoughts and what you are scared of in that moment.”
4. Try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
This is called “cognitive restructuring,” Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill-Cornell School of Medicine, tells SELF. “It’s challenging anxious thoughts and replacing them with something more realistic,” she explains. So instead of thinking, “My voice is quivering because I’m nervous and everyone is judging that,” try, “My voice is quivering, but most people are too focused on themselves and what we’re saying to notice.”
5. Remember what you can and can’t control.
It’s easy to assume everyone is judging you in a social situation, but it’s impossible to know if that’s actually happening. “It’s important to remember that nobody is thinking about us as much as we’re thinking about us,” Gallagher says. Even if other people are focused on you, there’s nothing you can do about it. “Remind yourself you cannot read others’ minds and cannot control their opinions,” Ammon says. “Lean into the uncertainty—maybe they are judging you; maybe not. Then, return to the situation.”
Again, if you suspect that you’re dealing with social anxiety disorder, don’t hesitate to reach out to a mental health professional. “We’re really effective at treating social anxiety disorder,” Brinen says. “You don’t have to suffer through it.”
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