When Julie McFadden started drinking alcohol at age 13, she didn’t question it because, well, all the cool kids were doing it. She continued the habit as she got older, but didn’t think she was in red flag territory; she kept working, paid her bills, and generally functioned in society just fine. It wasn’t until after McFadden stopped drinking and sought help when she was 33—two decades later—that she recognized she had a problem all along. “Now that I’m sober, I can see it,” McFadden, now 41, tells SELF. “But I don’t know if I could have seen it when it was happening.”
A lot of people with alcohol use disorder (AUD)—a medical condition that makes it hard to stop or control your drinking even though it’s affecting your health, career, and/or relationships—find themselves in a similar situation. The overwhelming urge to drink can cloud your judgment, making it difficult to recognize the signs of an addiction. AUD can also be hard to spot because it exists on a spectrum, meaning you can have a mild, moderate, or severe case. “Traditionally, people would think of it as black or white, like you either have a serious disorder or you don’t,” but people need to “see the shades of gray,” Anne Fernandez, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist with the University of Michigan Addiction Treatment Services, tells SELF. “That’s one of the biggest barriers I find to people understanding what problems they might be having with alcohol use and seeking treatment.”
Whatever your reason for being here is, know this: The sooner you realize that your drinking is problematic, the better. Over time, alcohol can change your brain in ways that make you more vulnerable to relapse, Dr. Fernandez says. And getting help can lower your chances of experiencing some of the devastating impacts of alcohol misuse, like liver disease, cancer, deadly injuries from accidents and violence, job loss, and more. For the record, if you answer yes to two or more of these 11 questions you can be diagnosed with AUD, but there are also more subtle red flags that you or a loved one may have a problem with alcohol. Here are five to look out for.
Alcohol is the only reason you look forward to social interactions.
It’s pretty normal to participate in events—themed cocktail parties, football tailgates, vineyard wine tastings—that are centered around alcohol. Yet people with AUD tend to get lost in the drinking aspect and no longer find the social interaction rewarding in and of itself. “It was kind of like my whole personality,” McFadden says. “It wasn’t about the party, concert, or fun intramural kickball game anymore. It was about ‘let’s get drunk.’”
This doesn’t mean you have an alcohol problem if you look forward to your third cousin’s wedding because you’ll have the chance to throw a few back and let loose. But you might if you’re constantly planning your life around alcohol and then bypassing other people or activities you typically enjoy just to satisfy your craving for it, Dr. Fernandez says.
People in your life comment on your drinking.
Just before she quit, McFadden had a conversation with her acting teacher that really shed light on her toxic relationship with alcohol. She casually mentioned that every time she drinks, she feels an insatiable desire for more, but that she didn’t believe she was addicted to alcohol. “He was like, ‘Honey, that is alcoholism.’ But I thought if I still had a job and didn’t get a bunch of DUIs that I must not be an alcoholic,” McFadden says. “When he said that, I remember it clicking in me like, Oh my God, that’s what it is. And the more I learned about it, the more I was like, Whoa, this is me. I do have a problem.”
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